I had my reservations when I first thought about posting this blog. Why? I was scared. I am still married to my abuser. Because of COVID our divorce has been postponed. I have been having to wait. I feel very vulnerable. Even though I am not living with my abuser, I still have the emotional scars that have not healed. He still tries to manipulate me by trying to talk me into getting back together. I feel scared that he will read this. I have all kinds of fears of the outcome of that situation. I know everyone's situation is different. Being a domestic violence victim is something that takes time to heal from and everyone has their own way of healing. I hope that someday I can look back and say that this has made me stronger and helped me to grow in so many ways.
He started abusing me before our son was born. He never hit me. I don't know if emotional abuse is better but it sure hurt a lot. He would just say mean things like "you need to loose weight", "you are stupid", "your family is a bunch of rednecks", "you are fat", "you are and idiot", etc. Then he would make me feel stupid by stating that whatever I told him was not actually true and that I was uneducated. He would say that my student loan debt was for nothing. He would complain endlessly about my weight. He would always put me down. His narcissistic behavior kept constantly had me doubting myself. That is how narcissists work. They always think that they are right. They manipulate you so that you think you are never right or that you are somehow going crazy. They tell you you are not good enough. They have these anger explosions that can come at any moment and make you feel like you are "walking on eggsh...
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